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having a life
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By:
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cuucuu
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Mood:
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Tired
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Date:
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Jul 24, 2008
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Music:
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Amazing Aerosmith
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well
i
have
been
existing
with
this
disease
for
21
years
now.seems
things
are
more
of
a
struggle now
,than
it
was
10
years
ago.my
health
hasnt
changed
all
that
much
over
the
years.my
numbers
are
still
below
200.i
just
wonder
how
much
longer
i
can
go
on.some
days
are
so
discouraging.i have
turned
my
life
around
180
degrees.i
have
a
life.i
am
having
a
really
tough
time
with
my
drs.some
days
i
cant
even
write
my
name
let
alone
remember
it!
they
dont
seem
to
take
any
of
my
concerns
seriously. over
time,
i
have
become
so
in
tune
with
my
body,
knowing
when
something
really
isnt
right.but,these
drs.who
would
not
recognize
the
person
today
with
who
i
was
twenty
years
ago,
are
of
the
impression
that
i
am
activily
using,
which
i
am
not.theyre
attitudes
have
gone
so
far
down
i
dont
know
if
they
can
objectivly
treat
me.i
am
beginning
to
absorb
their
bad
vibes.really
almost
starting
to
think
i
am
not
worth
treatment
and
that
is
SO
wrong.i
am
a
decent
soul
with
a
disease
that
will
get
me
eventually.but
i
will
not
let
it
rule
my
world.i
am
not
this
disease,
i
am
anita,a
woman
who
does
deserve
the
good
things
in
life.including
being
treated
for
this
disease.not
put
aside
because
of
what
they
assume.even
when
i
was
an
active
addict,i
dont
really
remember
drs.
having
an
attitude
that
these
seem
to
have.it
just
seems
so
wrong
to
me.i
get
so
emotional
after
having
to
battle
with
them,crying,
cussing,and
plain
angry.ifeel
like
i
just
cant
go
on
anymore,am
even
doubting
myself
and
my
worth.my
mind
isnt
always
right
on
the
money,at
all
times,but
whose
is?i
am
at
a
loss
these
days.i
dont
have
too
many
people
that
i
can
talk
to
let
alone
relate
to
what
i
am
going
through.i
have
been
away
from my
hometown
for
ten
years
now.up
in
mass,there
are
all
sorts
of
places
one
can
go
to
talk,get
services
and
friends
going
through
the
same
things.here
in
fl.
it
is
a
different
planet!to
let
people
know
what
is
going
on
would
not
come
out
well
at
all.they
would
run
the
other
way
most
likely
and
that
is
really
scary
for
me.i
have
good
people
in
my
life
now,
but,would
they
still
be
there
knowing
what
my
situation
is??too
scared
to
find
out.well
writing
this
has
helped
me
some.i
hope
there
is
sombody
out
there
who
may
have
some
suggestions
on
what i
can
do
to
change
the
direction
my
mind
seems
to
be
going.i
am
almost
immobilized
by
my
fears
and
frustrations
some
days.i
believe
the
mind
can
make
us
well
but
if
there
are
folks
just
tromping
on
ones
thoughts
and
beliefs
it
gets
so
hard
to
stand
by
those
ideals.i
have
lost
lots
of
people
to
this
disease
and
i
have
refused
to
let
it rule
my
world
but
it
is
getting
harder
and
harder
as
time
goes
by.
what
did
popeye
say
I
AM
WHAT
IAM
I
IS
WHAT
I
IS
TAKE
ME
AS
I
AM
OR
DONT
TAKE
ME
AT
ALL? i
try
to
keep
those
words
at
the
front
of
my
sick
mind
gives
me
the
strength
to
keep
on.
later
good
people.
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