Two weeks of hell

By: plusone
Mood: Don't know
Date: Oct 04, 2013
Music: None

The weather has been crazy lately. Where did that heat wave come from? Not the best when work has been kicking me and me kicking myself at the same time. Hours to days, days to weeks and weeks to months. I found myself stuck in routine and not listening to the little signs by body was giving me. Begging me. Asking for rest and less stress but still I just kept on pushing.

Things in the relationship department had become confusing and work is my way of not addressing things. With the writing on the wall how to close some chapters was not easy having found someone who was right in many ways but despite all the apparent "compatibility" things were not working. No spark. No passion. But good company and friendship. Solution: more work.

As the saying goes something has to give at some point. First came the headache. Then the fever. This was last week Monday. I knew I had to see a doctor and get it all sorted out but did not. It was not the time to look ill or miss work with all the new installations and deployments we had going on. Also I had my monthly reporting to get to and I was not going to let some "bug" get to me. With the flu going around town and half the city falling off the wagon thanks to the massive heat wave what was this but simply regular? So I wished. One minute am in bed thinking of getting a glass of water and the next am on the floor staring at the ceiling thinking to myself here we go again. This was the same thing that happened to me a few years ago when I found myself in hospital for 6 months with a CD4 count that read like an FM radio dial. Time to go see the doctor right? Wrong. I was too scared to go. Thinking once my medical records showed how this ended up last time I would have to spend the night under observation. And a night would turn to a day, a day to weeks and...

A strong point we have is our exceptional knowledge of medicine. From experience. Which is also our weakness in a way. Looking back at the past and aided by a little research I was able to get around and assemble a small arsenal of drugs to keep the pain away and for much of the week I patched up my body with glue and bubble gum and faith for good measure and got through work pretty fine.

But I had not read all I needed to read and missed the point of drug interaction and was taking combinations I should not have. My disposition to edeama hit and before you can say inflate my foot started to swell. Now this IS BAD! What do I tell the doctor? What do I tell the office? How long till I can get back to living as usual?

Good news is I did get my hands on some treatment and all is in remission. For now. Its always a longer process to get back on track and the effort of solving a health problem earlier on is easier than the long walk to recovery. Lesson learned. I hope. But do we really learn?

Sadest part is during all the nights of dealing with the fever, taking a nap and waking up the next day I discovered I missed a total of three days on my single pill regiment punishment. Three whole days in a month. Am thinking this is the biggest dent if not only dent in my adherence vow. Is this to be treated as glass half full or half empty? It was only three days after all. But then again. This is how it starts. All could have been avoided if from day one I pulled up my socks and got my act together.

Is it really worth it to put work and making sure no one has grounds for suspision of the truth that we should risk our health like this? Are utility bills and everyday commitments more important than a little investment in our own well being or does it come and bite us is the behind? I think I have come to a point where I have to get back to basics. As hard as the pill is hard to swallow am not like everyone else. I may be superhuman but there is this kill switch in my blood I need to protect with nutrition, positive thinking, prayer, adherance, excersise and a tonne of good things, as much as I can throw at it to keep the monster at bay.


Only Friends can comment.


From: plusone
October 9, 2013, 11:43 am
Guess thats the point. We are human after all. Even though some choose to treat us otherwise. But am back to my superhuman self. Will avoid all forms of kryponite.


'Its not the years in your life that count. Its the life in your years'

From: patie
October 8, 2013, 5:50 am

you are very much human probably like most of us. sometimes i wonder does acceptance means i have to tell people i have it. i have told my bosses after 3 mnths on the job because couldn't keep lying to them each time i wanted to go for  review and it so happened that i was on 2wks review at the same time on probation at work. anyway hope you keep well


one day at a time

From: jenwho
October 7, 2013, 9:45 pm

Well glad to hear you are somewhat back to normal--thank GOD for those meds to keep the fever down, swelling in that foot--OMG and UGH...And by the way, You mean you aren't superhuman like me--lol...I hear what you are saying--I don't know if it is a denial of succumbing to the fact that I am a person living with hiv or that I am a disabled person with hiv--Not ready to give in to the latter, but you are so correct on protecting yourself with nutrition, positive thinking, prayer, adherance (and don't knock yourself--for missing 3 days, just don't do it again--find a way to have someone give it to you the next time you get sick--a family member, a clinic worker, preacher, someone you trust) ...Exercise will keep the side effects at bay--think about it--I currently have metabolic syndrome, due to either drug toxicity or hiv-most likely drug toxicity--over 15 plus on meds....We know currently that we are being kept alive with HIV drugs, but these drugs are toxic and will play havoc with us somehow...If we aren't proactive then what?  Take care of yourself, eat foods from trees and plants, meats that are lean, stay away from processed crap--it is killing us with sugars and fats that our bodies aren't use to in this day in age with the little exercise we get--Many blessings to you oneplus and to all of us who seek guidance, you will be in my prayers tonight when I say them as all of the tribers that come here...peace, jenwho


Alive and Kicking-25 years + That which does not destroy you, only makes you stronger