Life so far

By: plusone
Mood: Happy
Date: Jun 27, 2013
Music: plain white t's hey there delilah

Hello fellow tribers. Am back from the sidelines looking in as the armchair critic observing this that has come to be one of the more intriguing experience in human interaction that is our special tribal bond. Observing how the cycle does tend to repeat itself over and over again and thinking to myself what happens when one goes from point A to B then D & E and what happens after that. You crawl the net looking for hope (imagine how hard this experience would be without it), find one this site, forgo the thoughts of thinking twice if it’s a cohort of losers, a fitting home for your final eulogy or a glimmer of hope in what is undoubtedly your darkest moment and proceed to join (the A), cry and spill your guts out (the B), take a crash course in Med School 101 (the C)... figure out that you can either opt out with a noose or make lemonade with your lot.
Before long lemonade becomes your staple. Not a bad choice for that matter given the options and it dawns on you that all the mopping is energy and time consuming in a gas guzzling V12, elephant drinking gallons sort of way. I remember going from being tired of living to being tired of not dying which left me with the sole option of carrying on with living and then the epiphany of what happens after E hit me: It’s called life. Life happens after. Not life as it was but life none the less. Which sums up what I have been up to last couple of months - its called life & living. All that drama, stressing leads to the obvious conclusion that living does not necessarily equate to existing. Existing is wallowing in a post exposure daze of boo-hoo-poor-me where the only none constant is time. 
Given that everything else changes - a few more grey hairs here and there, unwanted sounds from previously well oiled elbows and knees, more hours spent looking at bank statements from the old quick bottom line only is what matters analysis, tax returns and a taste for slower softer music and keeping the adrenaline levels lower than the CD4 count. Sounds a lot like existing rather than living! Am I backtracking? Surely there must be more to eating and breathing and sticking to routine right? So here is my assessment so far:
Life is not and cannot be the same. Not because the world dictates so, not even coz what my doctor has to say at the end of the routine visits. Life changes coz that is what life is by definition - Change. Existence is the constant grey sky painted with the strokes of having drawn the short straw. Life is the cycle of thunderstorms, floods, drought with a generous mix of rainbows, clear blue skies and beautiful sunsets. The lows make the highs all the more worthwhile and the highs underscore the fact temporal nature of the lows and make them bearable. All that energy and time spent, rather wasted in worry, self pity, finger pointing, name calling and all that jazz does eventually heighten ones awareness of an inert capacity to not only deal with the worst of any deck of cards, but to stretch out and be and do more. When I did wrong my grandmother used to yell "bahsopo!". Later I'd learn that it was not equal to a four lettered word but was a colloquial pidgin English form of "I'll was your mouth with a bar of soap!". Guess moral of the story is that soap cleans in the same way that the man in the mirror is not only  wiser from the living-existing process of aging as attested to by a change in hair colour but by what life has dealt me. There could actually be some truth in the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger after all.
Back to the issue of life and living. Life has been hard lately. The economic meltdown of  a few year back might be behind us, jobs scarce, competition rife in just about every sphere. Finding work and something to do is not just something I do for the sake of paying the rent and paying the bills but is an escape if sorts. While I count it a blessing that I am one of the very few people that took a hobby and turned it into a career, things, like life have not been the same. Writing software was the hobby turned profession back in the day while today's pastime is sitting in front of the television sipping tea late into the night. Despite all my going on about how life is all about change history does repeat itself and habits, both good and bad die hard. I've spent so many man hours watching television people trust me more than they do their TV guides. Before you know it I'd started writing reviews of what’s showing and got me a good following on what to watch. It was surprising to see just how many people out there across borders, cultures, gender and age have watch the same thing.
As a creature of habit history was soon repeating itself all over again. Television has slowly been morphing from habit to career. Once again am getting paid for doing something I enjoy. The software part is getting too crowded anywhere and keeping up with the new kids on the block backed by funding equal to that of a small country makes that a tough space to compete in where everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame and unless you are Microsoft or the other big 5 that’s 15 minutes of pay in which to cross your fingers and hope some large corporation buys you out for millions of join the other billions who disappear into oblivion come the sixteenth.
So there I was, flipping through channels, built 3 custom PVRs with terabytes of storage, subscribed to hundreds of stations - most of which I will never watch, thinking of an app I could build in under a year to pay the bills for the next 5 and the odd thing happened. Am watching TV and up comes the ad break, I switch channels and there is an ad on the other, and the other and the other. Are the different channels showing ads in sync? Turned out most of them were! Am like is that legal? Turns out it is. What was even more surprising was the fact that the ads would not only pop up on all the channels I preferred to watch but also on all my favourite programs as well. Now there was something interesting. Is there someone out there profiling our preferences? If so who and how? Suddenly I was sitting up and glowing with a new enthusiasm that went beyond what was airing but into who sponsored what, where when and why. New hobby born.
Before long I had built up a huge database of what ads came on what type of shows, at what time and all that. Patterns patterns pattern. Patterns everywhere. I watch just about everything on television except the weather channel. Everything from the food network to foreign subtitled films is game and I started thinking about what the adverts shoved into my favourite shows have to say about me. I know all that math at uni, the group and game theory, the calculus and stochastics would come in handy someday. I was having fun but still not getting paid and actually losing money in the process. On one hand I had all this data on what was showing but even more on who was more likely to watch what and for the experience to work I needed more people and a wider demographic that simpleton me. More financial hemorrhaging. Not good at all.
If you watch a lot of television like I do ever wondered what ads the network chooses to show you on particular show? What does that have to say about what they think about you? What does that have to say about who and what you are? Might not seem like much but for me that there was some scary sh*t right there. The closest I'd get to a tarot reading, astrology or some equally subliminal mumbo jumbo. We all use and need toothpaste so advert of the next tooth decay delay goo are out of the question. But then certain programs have a certain type of ads. If its cars they attract cars of a certain price and so on and so forth. So when what I watch on one channel shows me the latest E-Class from Mercedes Benz its a good feeling. Not that I have one or aspire to own one. But when you are my age and all the ads you see are roller blades made in China there is need for concern. Just my though as usual but think about it. Your corporate Big Brother could have arrived at the conclusion that you're a soccer mum or globetrotting Richard Branson wanabe based on what you like to watch. Question is are they right or wrong?
Needless to say once I tie up all the loose ends I could have my bills for the next five years sorted or even experience my very own 15 minutes of fame out of all this. On the other hand I could have a slightly used television set and computer for sale, be living on charity, not driving an E-Class and without basic necessities come in five years time. The prospect of success in the face of failure. Now that is life.


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June 28, 2013, 7:59 am

 success does follow failure   A heavy thought provocking blog profound also to the point .Something to mullover in our minds ..We do reap what we sow in life either it be for the good or bad 


Analyse my fav TV show The Big Bang Theory  vs the weird peculiar Honey BOO Boo now thats freaky and very very sad ..Bazinga !!!!

WTF going on there ??