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Im trying to keep my spirits up, but its gettn....

By: Alice
Mood: Sad
Date: Oct 12, 2013
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VIEWING 1 - 7 OUT OF 7 COMMENTS

From: Alice
October 14, 2013, 1:00 pm
Thank you .

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From: kmg1947
October 14, 2013, 12:43 pm

 Your in my prayers. 



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Appreciate Life and the Love you have in it.
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From: Alice
October 14, 2013, 10:58 am
Thank u once again Jen . You really encourage me. Its good to hear that i am normal. To be honest i thought i never had chance to be normal , being that i had been born with Hiv . I often tought that i can never recall that I had a day without the virus, so i didnt feel like i was normal . In fact i didnt find out that i was poz untill the 7th grade. I remember it like i was yesterday . I was in Health class , the topic was sexual education . On this day the teacher was talkn about STD's and how to stay safe from them. I remember me saying in my mind that i never want to get HIV and all of that. A month later My mom sat me down and told me that i was adopted and i had been diagnosed since 3 . All i can remember was wow the very thing i wanted to avoid I have. Ive asked my mom so many times from when I was 5 why am i the only one who takes pills. Her response was they are not pills thet are vitamins. Of course i believed it . I dont blame my moms for not telling me the truth becuz she wanted to protect me . Long story short My mental state had never been the same. Now since 23 have a therapist and i am talking but theres so much pinned up inside facing all of it scares me makes me angry and depressed .. This causes me to hold it in even more . To add i have never accepted having the virus until this year. My coping skills are pretty bad right now but im learning how to get better. I do have hobbies , I play piano , i sing , i write , i draw , i make jewerly , I sew I draw and Im very active in my church . Its just that when i get down i lose interest of doin any of those things. Learning how to deal is new to me . Ive often put it at the back of my mind , to forget it ,this inculdes not taking treatment . Im still learning how to deal . And im assured that God has me in all of this . I know i will get better. I pray one day i can be a spokes person to help others who is going through and have trouble dealing . Jus taking it day by day . In these days its min by min. Thank you very much . It good to know that i can come on here and talk , rant , and encourage. Thank you soo much.

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From: jenwho
October 13, 2013, 11:20 pm

You recognize that keeping it silent does take a toll on you and your emotions.  WE ALL go through that,  I know for myself, I have good days and then not so good days--but those not so good days get shorter compared to the good days....Being diagnosed back in 1989, I thought I was going to die, so I was preparing to die--not living....That somehow stopped along the way and now 20 plus years later--I speak with tribers when I get in a mental rut...YOU ARE SO NORMAL because again, WE all have those moments, days, etc...Don't ever feel like you can't come here and have a triber listen or respond...There are good people dealing with pretty much the same stuff you are going through...I don't know when you were diagn hiv +, but the advances within the past 10 years are AWESOME!!!  I was fortune, along with the other Long Term Survivors to see these advances, but we have purposes and I truly believe that are purpose is another chance at LIFE.  Live it well, with gratitude, with grace, with GOD, with love, with acceptance, with peace, with forgiveness, with living those dreams that you never got to do....Whatever you believe you can do, YOU CAN!! Go back to school, get a hobby, try a new hairdo...Do the things that make YOU feel good---You can put these off, you have to do them when you feel like you are getting tight and ready to have a brain explosion of emotion..Exercise by walking, gardening, volunteer, etc...  many blessings to you and hope to hear some positive changes or you might want to speak with a counselor...If you can't afford one, call around, I did that and some counselors have sliding scale fees, which means what you can afford--also, find one that YOU like---You will know when you get the right one...I have gone through 10 plus since I was diagnosed....But it worked for me each time....peace, jen



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Alive and Kicking-25 years + That which does not destroy you, only makes you stronger
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From: Alice
October 12, 2013, 10:25 pm
Thank u all . Im feeling soo much better. I guess yesterday night i had a total break down. I have an awsome family support system * Im very grateful for u guys that are here too* however i never said a word to them thinking that they might be tired of dealin with me and this illness just like i am. Ive kept silent for so long. Ive been lying about my mental state and coping skills writing off as im fine . Placing it at the back of my mind , jus didnt want to deal. Dont get me wrong I do have my days that im fine . But lately ive had to force myself trying to stay in the poz mindset . But my smugged silent suffering took a toll on me and my emotions . Thank you . i feel better now . :-) . Im in a better spirit.

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From: ms83poz
October 12, 2013, 6:59 pm

Your in good hands Alice, that's why your here. Nice to see you on the board, keep coming.  xx



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From: Alice
October 12, 2013, 9:26 am
Thank u

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