Thirty
Odd
Fortunes
Alan
Roberts
1.
Everyone
want
to
be
millionaire.
No
one
want
to
be
Regis.
2.
Shyness
not
cured
by
going
to
singles
bar.
Must
first
lose
ski
mask.
3.
Life
like
circus.
Too
many
clowns.
4.
Beauty
in
eye
of
beholder.
Beholder
in
eye
of
needle.
Needle
in
eye
of
storm.
Eye
of
newt
not
my
territory.
5.
Confucius'
wife
say,
"Enough
advice
already!
Get
hobby!"
6.
Behold
the
salmon.
Despite
strong
current,
swim
upstream
into
bear's
mouth.
7.
Upright
towel
warmer
in
bathroom
is
nice
touch.
8.
Open-toed
shoes
do
not
make
one
"Gay."
9.
Creature
from
Black
Lagoon
get
woman
in
final
scene.
What
your
problem?
10.
Tall,
attractive
men
never
start
wars.
Look
it
up.
11.
"Swankiness"
not
necessarily
a
good
quality.
12.
Satan
is
pleased
with
what
you've
done.
13.
Porcupine
has
poisonous
quills.
You
have
your
breath.
14.
Brooklyn
not
"vacation
wonderland"
like
in
brochure.
15.
You
will
have
at
least
one
more
birthday.
16.
Women
find
you
somewhat
amusing.
Not
bed-worthy.
17.Men
compliment
your
hairstyle,
clothes,
and
personality.
Everything
but
looks.
18.
Not
enough
people
call
you
"Pookie."
19.
Sixteen
days
from
now,
look
out!
20.
Smoking
make
you
look
cool.
(Cookie
paid
for
by
Philip
Morris.)
21.
Is
that
a
fortune
cookie
in
your
pocket
or
you
just
playing
with
fate?
22.
Hire
someone
to
start
your
car
from
this
day
forward.
23.
Yesterday
a
memory,
today
fleeting,
tomorrow
distant.
Suicide
a
sure
thing.
24.
What
color
your
hair
supposed
to
be?
25.
Doctor
on
vacation.
Quick,
refill
phony
Valium
prescription.
26.
A
dragonfly
neither
dragon
nor
fly.
Poor
tattoo
choice.
27.
The
cloven
hooves
of
Mephistopheles
cannot
begin
to
compare
to
your
cuticles.
28.
Your
toupee
fools
no
one.
29.
Adult
braces
might
be
good
idea.
30.
Why
not
tell
spouse
real
waist
size?
30 Odd Fortunes
